this makes me laugh. always.

so. flipping. good.

well my life

is a series of ups and downs.
right now i'm trying to see the ups through the enormous down i'm in....

i just need a bear hug from 1 of 4 people. 2 of them live in another state. i'm sure i'll never see one of them ever again. and the other two are so hard to get a hold of it's probably not going to happen any time soon.

you know it's bad when you're blinking back tears during organic chemistry class.
fuck.

now for the ups... cuz i can't go to french class in tears.

i saw a beautiful ordination yesterday.
my friend julie was ordained as a pastor into the elca lutheran church.
and she's so wonderful
she's already touched so many lives.
she's going to help so many people.
i'm so happy for her.
and i'm excited for the work that she's about to begin.

fuck my life

fuck it.

i can't start to get happy about something.

i plan something out. have to change other plans, make things fit just right.
get it all done.

start to get happy about it.

life says, no, fuck you.

crushes my plan.

at 2:30 in the fucking morning.

the morning before my huge organic chemistry exam.

fuck it.

everything i do, no. you're not fucking good enough. you aren't allowed to be this happy.
i guess i should have stopped trying.
i should have known that i shouldn't be happy about this, that something would fuck it over for me.
too bad i let myself get excited for something.

i feel sick to my stomach.

sometimes i wonder

what i'm doing with my life
if i'm going the right way
if i'm making the right decisions.

don't get me wrong, i love my life, i couldn't ask for better friends.
i love where i live.
i love who i am. and who i'm becoming.

but i'm starting to doubt what i'm doing. i can't stand school. i had this huge plan. finish undergrad in 3 years. go directly to med school. do not pass go. do not collect $200. graduate from med school. then directly to residency. and on to become an orthopedic surgeon.

12 years. is a very long time. i know that the second half of med school is like the start of my career and residency isn't school. but it's still learning. it's still another 5 years before i am officially an orthopedic surgeon.

i am 2 years into this plan. and i am terrified. 10 more years? i don't know if that is for me. i know i would enjoy being a surgeon, but i don't want to lose 10 more years of my life to schooling before i can say that i have officially started my career.

i feel like there's so much pressure to go go go. go to college. go start your career. make money. support yourself. it's all so rushed. i want to live my life. i want to enjoy it and right now i'm not enjoying being rushed.

i just want to sit, to be still and to let the world and its chaos pass me by. i want to travel, i want to experience so many different things. but that requires money. and therefore i need to get a career to get this money to pay for the things i want to do.

it's a never ending cycle.

oh well

i have faith that my life will turn out alright


maybe

it breaks my heart

that you can be friends with someone
no
best friends

you have someone that you can talk to about anything
and then you just disappear off of the planet
you say you're going through a lot of stuff
so fine that's cool

but then 3 months later? no.
and fine if you just don't want to be friends with me just let me know.
but really it's a bitch move what you're doing.
i didn't think you'd act like this with me. after 7 and a half years.
thanks. i guess that shows me what our friendship really meant to you.

we live in a beautiful world

days like today make me smile

my heart does a little happy dance

and i walk around with a huge smile on my face



but really how can you not??

just look at the beautiful blue colorado sky, see the shades of green, yellow and red trees against the huge blue mountains, and oh those flatirons...



all the parents walking around cu being adorable, little kids running in circles on pearl street "i want to see the train!!"

awwwww you're too cute



the air is crisp and clean, just cool enough to wear a jacket, but the sun still warms your skin



oh autumn, i'm in love with you.

friday was glorious

mmmmm cold weather

and shopping

then a movie

and a brisk 2 mile walk.....

thennnnnnnn

tacky prom!!!

i love my life.

love.

i'm having a rough day

damn it.



but you know what?

fall makes it better.

autumn is so amazing, the fact that the sky is beautiful blue and the trees are changing from lush greens to shades of orange, yellow, and red makes my life.

and that i can wear a jacket in this glorious weather.

i love the smells of fall, mmmmm, the cool breeze coupled with the warm sunshine on my face can brighten my day any time.

and yes, i will go slightly out of my way to step on that crunchy looking leaf.

fall makes me all nostalgic

i want to rake piles of leaves and then jump in them.

drink hot cocoa.

sit outside wearing a cute coat and an adorable hat and reading a great book.

i adore fall.





and: something that made me giggle : canadian french textbooks



translate these phrases

1. what is a creme chibouste?

2. what are you doing with those knives? why are you looking at me like that? what did i ever do to offend you?



hahahahahaha too flipping good



another thing that makes my day better : tegan and sara on monday!!!!!!! i. am. so. freaking. excited.

i love them.
and i love you.
have a wonderful night

je ne sais pas

je ne sais pas.


c'est tout.



je ne comprends pas. je ne vais jamais trouver un garçon. pourquoi? pourquoi est-ce que je toujours, toujours rencontre les garçons qui me maltraite? je ne pense pas que je le mérite. je n'ai fait rien a toi, rien. et tu n'as pas de problème avec me donnant coup après coup. ça me donne trop de tension, dans la tête, dans le coeur. je dit encore, je n'ai fait rien a toi. j'ai pensé que tu n'étais pas comme les autres. gentil, drôle, sympathique. j'ai pensé que tu avais été un gentilhomme. non. comme les autres, tu prends ça que tu veux et après tu pars. tu ne penses pas de moi. j'espère que c'était un malentendu, mais après tous les jours, je sais. tu m'as utilisée. dit a moi qu'est-ce que tu veux. c'est trop vague pour moi. je ne sais pas comment les hommes le font. ils veux nous blessent? j'espère que ce n'est pas vrai, que tu as un coeur. mais, maintenant je ne le crois pas. tu veux me blesser. tu me déteste. si tu te sens diffèrent, je te demande dit-moi, je t'en prie.

désolée pour le mauvais français

bonne nuit

hesitation is always mine.

every 10 year old enemy soldier thinks falling bombs are shooting stars sometimes but she doesn't make wishes on them

when she wishes, she wishes for less ways to wish for more ways to work toward it


umm,so haha i don't know what to write for my first post... i guess i'll tell you where you're coming into my life? and maybs a little bit about me?

i'm caroline. i never capitalize anything. but i can't stand for bad grammar. it's not that hard to learn the difference between their, there, and they're, they're three different words.

i'm a pretty emotional person and i jump to conclusions. so if i talk to you and you don't reply i think that you hate me. my emotions change like crazy, i could be having the shittiest day ever and then see an awkwardly adorable couple and be super content. or i could be having a just fine day and if someone is sassy with me i'll get really upset. so yeah i'm complicated.

i don't understand boys. i think they are confusing and complicated as hell. they make things harder than they should be. they send mixed signals. i get stressed out *see above*. but despite all of that i still believe there's someone out there for me. "i've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie... i want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real"... music explains me and my life better than i can *see below*

music means the world to me. without it i would suffocate. i listen to music 24-7-365. it's always in my head, in my heart, in my dreams. it's my addiction and i wouldn't trade it for anything ever ever ever. words cannot express my love of music.

other random facts.
i take way too many pictures. i still read little kids books. i play bandits. and secret agents. i love colorado. europe is in my blood. i have little self restraint. i had a big plan for my life. but now it's changing and i have no idea what's going to happen. i love to talk. i love to cuddle. my hair is my favorite aspect of my appearance, it's kind of a big deal for me. i knit. i aspire to be like an old british man in that, i want to have a pipe that i smoke, and i want to drink brandy. i spend more money on clothes than i should. my nails are rarely ever a normal color. i wish i was more artsy. i have the best friends in the world. and really i could tell you about me forever, so really if you'd like to hear, ask, i'll tell.

but i think that's all for now

xoxo