fuck my life

fuck it.

i can't start to get happy about something.

i plan something out. have to change other plans, make things fit just right.
get it all done.

start to get happy about it.

life says, no, fuck you.

crushes my plan.

at 2:30 in the fucking morning.

the morning before my huge organic chemistry exam.

fuck it.

everything i do, no. you're not fucking good enough. you aren't allowed to be this happy.
i guess i should have stopped trying.
i should have known that i shouldn't be happy about this, that something would fuck it over for me.
too bad i let myself get excited for something.

i feel sick to my stomach.