sometimes i wonder

what i'm doing with my life
if i'm going the right way
if i'm making the right decisions.

don't get me wrong, i love my life, i couldn't ask for better friends.
i love where i live.
i love who i am. and who i'm becoming.

but i'm starting to doubt what i'm doing. i can't stand school. i had this huge plan. finish undergrad in 3 years. go directly to med school. do not pass go. do not collect $200. graduate from med school. then directly to residency. and on to become an orthopedic surgeon.

12 years. is a very long time. i know that the second half of med school is like the start of my career and residency isn't school. but it's still learning. it's still another 5 years before i am officially an orthopedic surgeon.

i am 2 years into this plan. and i am terrified. 10 more years? i don't know if that is for me. i know i would enjoy being a surgeon, but i don't want to lose 10 more years of my life to schooling before i can say that i have officially started my career.

i feel like there's so much pressure to go go go. go to college. go start your career. make money. support yourself. it's all so rushed. i want to live my life. i want to enjoy it and right now i'm not enjoying being rushed.

i just want to sit, to be still and to let the world and its chaos pass me by. i want to travel, i want to experience so many different things. but that requires money. and therefore i need to get a career to get this money to pay for the things i want to do.

it's a never ending cycle.

oh well

i have faith that my life will turn out alright


maybe