grrrrr

this is freaking stupid.
i'm not happy.

you know if this is for you.

to my lovely friends. the true ones, that love me through thick and thin, that are always there no matter what

i am so grateful for you. for every little thing you do for me. you have no idea how much you mean to me. if it weren't for you i don't know how i would have gotten through the ridiculous-ness that is my life. i probably wouldn't have to be honest. thank you for listening to me talk about all the shit that i go through. thank you for your advice. thank you for just being there. knowing that you're there gives me comfort. thank you for your hugs. thank you for trusting me. thank you for being someone that i can trust. that i can talk to anything about, it means the world to me.

thank you so much.
i love you.
and i'm always here for you.

friends for life?

i can't help but feel i'm being left out, or forgotten, like everyone is living their life and leaving me in the dust. i mean i know that people live thier lives, so change is inevitable, but don't forget me! i guess it just hurts. i had some good friends that i thought would be my friends for life but i guess we drifted apart? it's just really hard when you talk to someone and they are really superficial about being my friend, it just isn't the same... hey how are you? good, how are you? is not enough to hold a friendship together, in my opinion. also, getting engaged and not telling me/using facebook to announce that? really? and ohp not inviting me to the wedding. i guess we weren't friends like i thought we were. it hurts. also, feeling like you can't talk freely with one of your best friends about anything is sad. i just feel like i'm the only one working at a lot of the friendships in my life. it's always me trying to get a hold of you, hang out with you. i know you are busy but honestly i'm busy too and i make time to talk to you, to try to hear what's up in your life, but you never do that for me. i try and try and you never reply, and it really pains me, but there's a point at which i can't do it anymore, i can't try to initiate communication with you because it hurts me too much when you don't reply. damn. friendship only works if both people work at it. and i feel like i'm pulling all the slack around here. i guess i wish that i could give up our friendship as easily as you have, that i could just not care, but i can't do that and i don't know how to start, because i know that you're not gonna try and i can't make you.

damn, this sucks.
i guess that's life though eh?

sleep deprivation always reminds me of you.

i don't know how to go about this situation. 

i feel i'm damned if i don and i'm damned if i don't. 

we weren't ever really friends. 

i feel like if i keep this up my heart will do something i don't want it to. 

i don't want to like you more than i should because i feel, no i know, you don't feel the same way back. 

so what are we?

i need a good ol' define the relationship chat with you. a dtr, if  you will. 

because i can't handle a broken heart.

and i hope that carrying this on won't lead to that.