closure (he won't read this)

dear sir, [you won't read this, but if you do you'll know it's about you] Current mood:hurt
i admit it
i don't know what our relationship is. i know it's extremely casual. but even in the most casual of relationships [that i have ever had] i have never felt so mistreated. so used. so taken for granted.
i don't know if this is how you treat all people [and i suspect that it isn't]. but really i'm not some piece of crap that you find on the side of the road. you shouldn't treat someone like this. how would you feel if someone treated someone you love like you're treating me? i have a [strong] feeling that you would want to beat that person to a pulp.

don't ignore me for days. show up randomly and then continue ignoring me after you got what you wanted. that's not the way things work.

parasite par·a·site (pār'ə-sīt')n.
An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host.

i feel like you're my own personal parasite. i am determined to get rid of you and then you burst in out of nowhere and confuse the hell out of me. you consume my mind. i can't understand you. [believe me, i've tried]

i don't know what signal you got when we met, but [i'm assuming] it was different than the one i [thought i] was sending. i shouldn't have gone along with what happened [but i'm weak so], i did. i should have known you'd never care for me, never love me, never even think of me that way. [and in the back of my mind i probably did know].

but i have this thing where i am too forgiving, where i try to see the best in people [always]. so you hurt me again and again. after what happened with that weekend i should have stopped[stopped altogether. cut you out of my mind] that should have been the breaking point.
how could you think that you'd pushed someone over the edge and then ignore them? if you truly cared about them [even the tiniest bit] you would see if they were ok. you wouldn't ignore them. any person would know that would be the last thing to do to bring a person back from the edge. and no, you ruining the weekend did not push me over the edge. [you ignoring me broke my heart].

it should have stopped there. [but again i'm weak and try to think the best of people]. you went away. i should have known to stop. you're thousands of miles away. don't lead me on like this. and then don't disrespect me, telling me about the girls that you're trying to sleep with. that hurts. i don't care how casual this relationship is, that stings like salt in an open wound.
i'm finished. i'm stopping [said i, before you came home]. stay on the coast [and out of my life]. but nope, you came back. wanted to hang out. led me on [and then pulled away]. leaving me confused again. and this time worried, i worried about you. [god, i'm such a fool for trying to care for someone that will never care for me] . then the next day you're "casually looking for love" and "scratched up after she rocked you hard" [ice] like a hand over my mouth, keeping me from breathing. my lungs collapsing in.

" he's using you" " would you expect any more from him? he's not worth investing anything in" "you deserve better and he's not worth your time" [i adore my friends] i shed the last of my tears for you. you had stopped replying to my texts. [you don't care for me, i get it]

then you show up. with people. uninvited. after all of this. [shock. pure shock]. i had no idea what to do other than be nice[and very confused].

so this is it, my written affirmation, that everytime something involves you, no matter how happy i may be to begin with it will all come crashing down [because you don't care for me and you never saw me as anything worth caring for] and i will be more hurt than ever [i can't find the good in everyone]